Creation...

The process of creation is certainly a difficult one. I thought I would be quickly updating this with new pieces and progress shots, but I'm empty. I've been working and re-working a drawing these past several days so much that the paper has pilled and is now useless to me. It resembles a note-taking scrawl worthy of reference but not much more. Stress.

While fighting with that drawing, I had the words "Well, you're not really an artist then" echo through my head. In my post, Messing Around With Sculpture, I mentioned a conversation I had where I was told the above line. It never left my brain...it was scorched on there...branded. I was in my hometown having a conversation with a respected, well educated businessman. He had just returned from a vacation abroad and was talking about the differences in our country's view on art/artists to the views other countries held. He felt, compared to these other places, we didn't respect artists, understand art, nor took either seriously. He was aware of what I did and wanted to know about my process. He wanted to know everything: why I do it, what goes through my head, what master is reflected in my work, and so on. I didn't have the right answers for him. I think he was eager to use his new found interest and have a conversation with Michelangelo and I could only give him responses from a small town weirdo.

I told him I didn't know why I did what I did - I just had to do it. Sometimes nothing goes through my head and it feels like I'm doodling while other times I'm so overwhelmed with emotions that I leave my brain and get trapped in brushstrokes. And then I listed a few artists that inspire me. My answers didn't suit him. He was stuck on my use of the word "doodle" and said "Well, you're not really an artist then" and ended our conversation.

I was crushed. I was still quite young and very, very new to the idea of the possibility that I could be an artist and I took his words as truth/fact. He was educated, after all. And he went to places that I've, still, only seen in pictures or had explained to me by family and a couple of friends. I was convinced that he was right and I was a fool. It wasn't until I got out and met artists that I realized he was wrong. Because he had the Sistine Chapel above his head for a period of time does not make him an expert on what makes artists tick. He was simply a sort of poseur hoping to use his travels to seem semi-interesting to a community that is not interested. He did not want to know why I do what I do and even now, years later, I highly doubt my slightly evolved answers would suit him. He made up his mind while learning about the celebrated masters....anything or anyone less than that would be insulting and worthless.

Hopefully now that I've spat a bit, I can get those words out of my head, grab a new sheet of paper, and start again!

-M

"Where Do You Come From"...

That is a working title, although I'm sure I'll keep it. First thoughts are generally the ones I go with.

I am not thoroughly pleased with this piece. I felt that I really rushed it, especially today, and that impatience lead to a slew of problems. I intend to redo it at some point after I've given myself time to look it over and nitpick.

One thing I've been trying with these last two pieces (talking about the post prior to this one that has yet to be titled) is to play with the paper and see how tolerant it is. I use this paper a lot - Bristol Smooth. It's one of my favorite papers to use, but I'm not so sure it's suitable for pastels. Or maybe it's the repeated erasing and aggressive rubbing that did it in, but not long into working the sky the paper started to pill up - mainly around the female's head. It all went downhill from there.

One thing I like about the picture are the expressions. While the faces aren't nearly as expressive as I wanted them to be, I feel like I still got some of it out. It's certainly an excellent starting point for the next attempt at this particular piece.

I'm growing accustomed to this sigh I get when I finish a work - usually right after removing all the tape. It's...relief. Pleasure. Excitement and anticipation. I like it! My rotator cuff, however, does not and is super pissed.

-M

One completed piece...

Finally I have finished something! A drawing, but it's still something. I don't have a title yet (of course), or at least one that isn't vulgar/offensive/sarcastic/typical. That will come in time...I'm just glad I finished something for once and have that warm fuzzy feeling of accomplishment. I'm so done with it that I'm already picking it apart and seeing my mistakes, so it's time to put it away from my eyes for a while and start on another.

Here are 3 poorly taken images from the drawing:

-M

Nearly a month later...

I did not realize how much time had passed since my last post! I knew it was getting up there... I've been working on that large pink thing painting and haven't decided if I'm actually making progress or just slapping on coats of paint. My opinion waffles, so today I only worked on it for a bit and decided to prime a different canvas. Just getting it off my easel for a little while offers a break.

Here are 3 photos, each at different stages. The last photo being the current stage, of course.

-M

The Fiction Project: Round 2 (and 3, 4, 5, etc...)

A couple weeks ago, I completed the Fiction Project for the Art House Co-op. Still haven't mailed it in (of course), but at least it's done and...yeah. At least it's done.

This is the first "story" I wrote in it. It wasn't even near any intentions I had and like most things, it just happened. Not a terrific start and a strange following to the page before it, but I left it anyway. The writing is sloppy and rather than using the pages as pages, I used both as one large page. Confusing, messy, and not at all what I wanted to do. Enjoy (if you can)!

**

For pages 6-7, going along with the unsettling and/or depressing theme, I jotted some quick words about a fat girl that wasn't really fat (to sum it up in the most non-colorful, downright boring way possible).

**

Pages 8 and 9 aren't even a story. At least, not one with words. But it is something that I would love to forget (since my theme is "I'm Sorry I Forgot You").

**

10 and 11. Sad blue eyes, even when he smiles his most perfect smile. Blond hair (now dark blond/brown). Sweet, sweet child with a lot of anger. Jes. I have so much hope for him. I do.

**

I think the story on 12-13 is pretty self explanatory. It's titled "My Moment with You" and it was very difficult to write. It's even difficult to share by posting it here. The man I mentioned still doesn't know about the existence of the story or my feelings, but I'm sure they'll eventually be uncovered. When I wrote it the timing was perfect, in a way. Near the end, while writing my apology, I was experiencing what is written. The time of night, how I felt...everything. I didn't go back to read over it for several days and when I did go back, I found a few misspellings and things that I wouldn't have written if I hadn't been in that state of mind. A big part of me wants to edit it, but I can't allow myself to do that. It's painful and makes me feel incredibly vulnerable, but I think it would be unfair to alter it, even for those reasons. So it stays as is.

I will be posting more of the project as I touch up the scans.

-M

The Sketchbook Project book is here...

And has been...for a couple weeks!!  I just haven't mentioned it because I haven't done any work in it yet.  The reason I haven't done any work in it yet is because I just finished illustrating THE FICTION PROJECT!  I am SO horrible with these things.  Thankfully Art House Co-op will still take my book.  It won't go on tour, but that's cool because that wasn't the point of me doing the Fiction Project anyway.

 

Since I'm terrible at most things having to do with paying attention, I didn't realize that the sketchbook would be so much smaller than the fiction book.  It has much better paper, though, and I am kind of excited about the size.  Depending on my mood, I either have too much workspace or not enough.  The size of the sketchbook is enough that I won't be limited but also won't be overwhelmed.  It's all good.

 

I haven't finished my paper mache arm, yet.  Things went awry in real life and I've not had a chance to get back to it.  Soon, though.  Soon.  I need to see it finished and heft it about.

 

One thing I did manage to nearly complete (nearly completing things is a big step for me) is a painting that my friend, A wrote a poem about.  I wanted to give it to him, but first I wanted to touch it up.  I managed to do that!  I also varnished it and now all I need to do is ship it to him.  That's the part that I was supposed to do earlier this week, but that's another thing that was tossed to the side when life hit the fan!  Soon...very soon!

 

That's all I have for now.  I'm not sure why but my head has been flooded with ideas and images that I need to do (I like to refer to them as "visions" because they feel like it, whether it's when I'm dreaming or awake and they sort of flash in my brain and stick).  Notepad has come in very handy for this.  First I must ship out A's painting.  Then I must send the Fiction Project.  Then I will get back to my own thing (the arm, the visions, etc...) while also working on the Sketchbook Project.  All things will fall into place...they just have to.

 

-M

Messing around with sculpture...

It has been quite some time since I posted. For a few months, I've been gradually spiraling downward in depression. It hit and it hit hard, but yesterday and today seem okay for the most part. I'm certainly not feeling my norm, but I'm hoping I'll get back there soon. Anyway, I'm feeling well enough to do artwork and, really, that's all that matters.

Not ready to get back to that large painting I posted about earlier and not in the mood to work on a drawing I started, I decided to try to create something that has been stuck in my head for years. Several months ago, while pondering this idea, I figured out what materials would be best to use to create it exactly how I want it. Flour, water, and newspaper (or some other kinds of paper). Yes...paper mache. Or papier-mache if you're too cool for paper mache ;)

I'm notorious for my snobbery when it comes to supplies - not to other artists and their choices, but to my own. And not all the time, either. Just once in a while, I'll turn my nose up at an idea I have as the words "Well you're not an artist, then" float through my head (not said by me, but to me...more on that later). Certain things/people make me doubt my abilities, but then I remember the images that float through my head (and sometimes stick for years) and my ability to put them in physical form. And then I consider the fact these people that enjoy telling me what I am or am not are not able to do this. The satisfaction I feel when I remember that not all of me sucks is good and also acts a a giant middle finger to those naysayers. "You can say that, but look what I can do!"

Knowing these things about me, I sort of feel like I'm having a sordid affair by using paper mache. It feels good, though. I love messy and I love getting my hands thoroughly involved in what I'm doing. Paper mache lets me do that. I get to enjoy the feel of sculpting at a much cheaper cost than clay!

Here are a couple progress photos taken on June 16th :

Back to work today - I took more photos yesterday that I will post later. My original intention was to keep the fingers and wrist flexible, but while working on it yesterday, I decided against that and formed the hand into a position that I found attractive.

-M